my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I need to align my fucking chakras
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
