You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
