Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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