I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
