so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
