How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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