I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
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You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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