I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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