I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
