this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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