i was born a porn star she said
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
