You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
