holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
