Don't make out with my wife yet
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Still dying that you shit outside
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
