Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
