her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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