I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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