I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
