you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Congratulations! We have a period
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
