I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
