bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
