how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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