Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
