i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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