last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
