This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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