i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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