Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
