Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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