Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My bed smells like the plague
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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