i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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