Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize