She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
