The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
