I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i would punch a child for taco bell
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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