I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
