So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
