this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
