I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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