Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
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So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
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He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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