Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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