winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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