Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
