Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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