my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
