I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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