Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
