So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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