if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
