She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm passing your future prison.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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