can u get pink eye on your cock?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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