We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
