My friends, they love my intelligence
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
