i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
