Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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