A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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