I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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