He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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