maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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