She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
