You can't motorboat a personality
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
we're making bets on your personal life
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize
