I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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