its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
