after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
