It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
